


Tortured Body and Soul

by izzylawliet



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Betrayal, Cutting, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Chronological, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Torture, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-10 01:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5564275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylawliet/pseuds/izzylawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not everyone is as trustworthy as they lead you to believe, even if they tell you they love you.</p><p>Cross-posted from my LJ</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be warned that there is graphic depictions of violence and torture included in this story and it could be a bit touchy for some to read. 
> 
> Also, please let me know if I've forgotten any tags/warnings. I did my best to remember them all

The muscles in his arms no longer burned; they now ached and had become a dull throbbing that was easily ignored. His bare feet dragged across the concrete floor that had a light film of water like substance that caught between his toes and made him feel gross—though that had not even been a problem in the days that he had been in this situation. His voice echoed when he spoke and even his breath carried a bit before dying out. There was a faint dripping sound somewhere off in a corner and he could hear the faint scurrying of rats.  
  
It was like a movie and he’d be entertained if not for the fact that he was chained up with his arms above his head, wrists cuffed and hanging from the ceiling. His wrists were already bloody and scarred, bruised to the bone and almost unsalvageable. His shirt had been removed but at least there were no elements for him to be exposed to. It honestly didn’t make things any easier, especially not when he couldn’t see a damn thing with a cloth around his eyes.  
  
A large metal door squeaked open before slamming shut. There had only been one visitor the entire time that he’d been tied up and he’d been the only man to come into the room.  
  
 _Upon opening his eyes, he knew that something was wrong immediately. He knew that shit had hit the fan and he was probably going to die real soon. He’d come to peace with that long ago, but that didn’t mean that it made it any easier to accept once it stared you in the face.  
  
He began to struggle immediately, the clunking of chains hitting one another as he tried to get a grip and pull his arms free, feet barely touching the floor and so giving him hardly any leverage. Adrenaline pulsed through him, making his heart begin to race, his muscles prepare for exertion and there was already perspiration on his skin. He couldn’t see a damn thing and that probably made it all the more worse. Not seeing mean he had no idea of what might be coming for him.  
  
He already knew what had happened. There had been a raid on one of their temporary hideouts and In his attempt to get the youngest to safety, he’d been caught. Blackman hardly could be angry with him as the youngest was his favorite, though they all assumed that there was something more between the two of them but that wasn’t something that was up for debate or discussion unless you wanted to get popped.  
  
“Stop.” A deep voice echoed from across the room and he knew exactly who had spoken. He may have stopped immediately, but it wasn’t voluntary. Even though adrenaline was still pulsing through his system, it felt as though his heart had stopped, as though it had plummeted straight to him stomach to be burned in the acid that resided there.  
  
“No…” He whispered, completely shocked and unable to believe what this meant for him—for them.  
  
There was a soft grunt from the other man as he, presumably, pushed himself from the floor. There was a moment of clothing rustling and shoes scuffling the floor before he could practically feel the man before him. His breath only stopped further.  
  
“Himchan…” He breathed out almost brokenly. Now that they were closer, he could smell the cologne that the man wore. He knew that scent intimately. There were days when his bed would smell like it, his house, his clothing, all of it would be drenched in the musky, manly scent that Himchan wore.  
  
Before even another breath could be taken, the back of a hand came down sharply against Jongup’s cheek and the whimper he let out went against everything that he was trained. He wasn’t supposed to give into the pain, wasn’t supposed to make it obvious that he was hurt—especially not by something that miniscule. But this…this hurt.  
  
“Don’t say my name.” The voice that would usually speak to him for hours on end on the phone, in bed, on the roof, in the car, anywhere that they might happen to find privacy. Never had he actually been disgusted to hear that voice who had moaned his name many upon an occasion. This wasn’t right._  
  
The sound of the door shutting and the soft sounds of sneakers scuffling across the floor gave clue as to who it was even if Jongup had previously doubted it.  
  
“H-hyung….please, please…you don’t have to do this.” The young man muttered as powerfully as he could, though being without water or food for days had left his mouth dry and his lips parched, making speech near impossible.  
  
There was no response.  
  
The blond man only cried out brokenly. He had lost all optimism.  
  
Fear had long since disappeared. He had only been afraid within the first day or two and so now stewed in hopelessness.  
  
“Please…”  
  
And he begged. There was much begging even if he had been told to never beg for his life. It was against the code and he’d never gone against the code before. He never had an opportunity to go against the code. The boss would be so angry with him…  
  
“Stop.” The deep, harsh voice of someone that he had once considered a friend snapped finally and it was the first time in days that he’d heard anything other than his own voice or sobbing.  
  
“Hyung, stop this! Please…I-I’ll give you anything.” He was desperate.  
  
 _“Tell me the hideout and Blackman’s plan to wipe out my boss.”  
  
Never should it have turned out like this. “You…y-you know I c-can’t do that, Himchan…”  
  
“Tell me what you know!” Himchan shouted angrily, another hand coming down across Jongup’s face and it was probably the thousandth since he had been captured the previous day.  
  
“I won’t!”  
  
“Fucking hell, Jongup!” Himchan cried out in frustration and it broke Jongup’s heart further to hear his ex-lover to be so frustrated and angry with him when this wasn’t either of their faults.  
  
Jongup swallowed thickly past the lump that had formed in his throat and closed his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He needed to know this because it was hurting so much to think that Himchan had been playing him all along, just to get close to him—even if that didn’t make complete sense given the situation that he was in.  
  
Silence followed his question and Jongup would have believed that Himchan had left if not for the absence of the door sounding and the soft scuffling noise of Himchan’s shoes on the dirty floor. It was minutes before any sounds other than the breathing of the two men—labored on Jongup’s part.  
  
“It wasn’t supposed to be you…” Himchan spoke finally and the suddenness of it caused Jongup to jolt but it wasn’t as though he could look to the man because he still had that wretched blindfold over his eyes. “They were supposed to take someone else…and it should have been someone else here…not you, Jonguppie…”  
  
That alone was enough to shatter his heart completely. Himchan had known all along who Jongup was and who he associated with and he had known that if he got close, it would be possible to get the information to take out his gang and…he had been used.  
  
Jongup sniffled and tried to pretend that he wasn’t crying and the cloth thankfully was absorbing any tears that might fall past his eyes.  
  
Jongup never wanted to be called that again.  
  
“Please don’t cry, baby…it just makes this harder on me.” Himchan explained as he moved forward, his fingers sliding along Jongup’s strong jawline. That only lasted a moment before Jongup spit in the direction he imagined Himchan’s face would be. “God dammit.” Himchan spat out, wiping his face of his lover’s saliva and he pulled his hand away quickly, watching how Jongup tensed and prepared for another strike.  
  
When another came, Jongup counted his blessings and tried to calm himself, getting his breathing in check and all. By the time that he accomplished that, Himchan let himself out of the cell, no longer able to stand looking at his lover who wouldn’t cooperate at all._  
  
There was so much that Jongup wanted to say to the man before him, so much that he felt should be said, but he was betrayed and it was only right for Himchan to say something first…even if it hurt him to be within meters of his once-lover and not be held. Not that it seemed that Himchan wanted to hold him in the first place, but still…  
  
“Jongup, please…” The tone of Himchan’s voice this time around was broken, nearly as broken as Jongup’s and he no longer seemed to possess the strength to torture Jongup anymore—which the younger man was grateful for and also fearful of. Did that mean that soon someone else would come in and try to get him to speak? Or did that mean that he was no longer of use and he’d be ended? “Just tell me…tell me and I’ll convince them to let you go.”  
  
Jongup shook his head and bit his dry and cracked lip, blood caked on it from multiple wounds and the few lacerations on his cheeks that had dripped blood down to his lips. All of which was caused by the man in front of him, the one he had once trusted with his life. “I won’t…you’ll have to kill me.”  
  
Jongup doesn’t know why he uttered those words when he was so afraid of dying now. Or maybe he wasn’t afraid of dying. He was just so exhausted. The pain that racked his body had become unbearable and it was difficult not to feel anger towards the man he had once considered to be his lover, someone he had genuinely trusted with all that he was.  
  
 _“I don’t want to do this, Jongup.” Himchan stated and it jolted Jongup from his thoughts. Himchan had entered the room minutes ago and had not said a word. Jongup had fallen back to the restless sleep that he was allowed in between Himchan’s visits.  
  
“Then…don’t.” Jongup breathed through chapped lips. Any attempt to moisten them would just cause him more pain.  
  
Himchan let out a growl like noise that was reminiscent of the sounds the man would make when he was pushing into Jongup from behind, his body laid out over Jongup’s in a sensual press of skin and despite all the sweat that would slick their forms, Jongup would always take pleasure from it. Right now, it just made him sick to his stomach even though there was nothing in it.  
  
“You know that I have no choice. Tell me where Blackman is hiding, Jongup.” Jongup shook his head and never would have been able to prepare him for the slice of a blade along his abdomen, the muscles clenching and only serving to make it worse. “Come on, baby, just tell me and I can stop.”  
  
It was already too late. The moment that he had been hit, Jongup had resigned himself to whatever punishment and torture that he was given for not giving up the information that they so desperately wanted. Jongup wasn’t like Himchan; he wouldn’t betray his friends.  
  
When Jongup didn’t offer up an answer, Himchan drew the blade down Jongup’s abdomen again and it caused the man to hiss out in pain as the first had been too much of a shock for him to respond. Yet, still no response and Himchan had no other choice but to continue. The third laceration occurred over Jongup’s sternum and this one caused him to cry out. His knuckles turned white after he wrapped his fingers around the chains that held him up, trying to find some leverage to ease him through this torture that he felt was only just starting.  
  
Twenty minutes later and there were more cuts on Jongup’s body than Himchan would have ever imagined himself possible of giving. The blade dripped with his lover’s blood and the soft cries from the man he had once done anything to please only sickened him more. Without any warning, his stomach heaved up any contents that had been there onto the concrete floor.  
  
Jongup gasped in between the soft crying.  
  
“I’m sorry…” Himchan murmured just before he fled the cell, no longer able to bare looking at his lover in that position any longer.  
  
Jongup was left to bleed. Thankfully, because of the shallowness of all the cuts, none of them caused major blood loss but he did definitely feel a lot weaker than he had twenty minutes prior._  
  
“God dammit, Jongup!” Himchan stepped up to the man he had fallen for. Without warning, he ripped the blindfold from the man’s eyes, revealing the dim cell that he had been residing in for nearly a week.  
  
Jongup had to blink multiple times to focus on anything after being blindfolded for days. The first thing he came into sight with was Himchan’s paler than usual complexion, the sad and desperate look in his eye and the pleading that resided there.  
  
The man cupped Jongup’s chin and made sure that their gazes stayed locked. “Don’t say shit like that. When you do…you give me no choice.”  
  
Now that Jongup could see, he could feel some of his fight coming back even though it would do him no good. He was tied up and he wouldn’t be going anywhere. “No choice?! I give you no choice?! You had a choice! You never had to play me, you never had to fuck me and you never had to use me! You bastard!” Jongup was breathing heavily and his heart was racing, his knuckles white as he gripped the chain and Himchan had only grown more sad by the time his lover stopped speaking.  
  
“I’m going to have to kill you, baby…” He released Jongup’s chin and slowly stepped back.  
  
Silence fell for a long moment before Jongup went completely lax in the chains, his chin hitting his chest as he looked to the ground when tears filled his eyes. “Don’t call me that.”  
  
 _“Stop, stop, stop!” Jongup cried out desperately. The pain that was cascading through him was almost too much to bear. With the food and water deprivation, the lack of any proper rest and the constant regiments of pain, Jongup felt the pain cut through everything else._  
  
Himchan drew the hickory switch over Jongup’s upper thighs, across the back of them, repeatedly, never halting until Jongup would give up the information that he had. The pants that he had worn were torn to shred and just barely covered anything. At the pleading to stop, he finally did. Tears were pooled in his eyes as he couldn’t become strong enough to endure giving these torturous punishments.  
  
“Are you ready to tell me?” Himchan asked as he circled his chained and captive lover, standing before him and tossing the switch to the side. Jongup shook his head quickly, sobbing openly and let out another cry when Himchan hit him across the cheek again. “Tell me!”  
  
When no answer came, Himchan resumed the punishment, this time marring Jongup’s back as heavily as he could with the switch, hating every cry of pain that the man gave. Blood was spraying everywhere. Skin was splitting and the nauseating act of what he was doing was tearing Himchan’s stomach to shreds. But he had no choice and this was going to continue until he had something.  
  
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” Himchan growled out with annoyance and Jongup flinched. Any other time that Himchan made that noise of frustration, pain followed. “If you just tell me where they’re hiding at, then I can get you out of here! You just have to give me something to tell them!”  
  
Jongup shook his head. He stopped giving a verbal refusal days ago as it only served to make Himchan angrier.  
  
“Jongup…” The younger man looked up at the soft utterance of his name, hearing the broken tone with which it was spoken with and without the blindfold obstructing his view, he could see the tears in his ex-lover’s eyes and it broke his heart for the thousandth time since he’s been there. “Please…please, just give me something. If not where they are, then what they planned, how many of you are there, what their names are, anything!”  
  
Jongup felt compelled to reach out for the older man, the first time since being here and he was glad that he was tied up. “Himchan…hyungie, you know I won’t. I love them and I can’t betray them like that.”  
  
A soft sob echoed in the cell and for the first time, it wasn’t Jongup. It was Himchan. The man couldn’t take this any longer. He had tortured his lover, he had starved him, he had scarred him in ways that he never thought a perfect physique could be marked…and he had nothing to show for it.  
  
“Hyungie…” Jongup whispered, feeling more helpless than ever as he watched Himchan begin to struggle for breath in between the sobs, his wide eyes shutting tight and his hand covering his mouth to try and stop the sound escaping his mouth, broken and ugly. “Himchan, please…”  
  
At the soft plea, the elder man suddenly looked up and the purpose in his eyes scared Jongup and he tensed in response. He had no idea what was going through his lover’s mind like he had once been able to—or maybe he had never been able to tell and it had all been a ruse. He sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case because he doesn’t think he could take that on top of everything else that he had endured.  
  
It mattered not as Himchan stalked forward with those long powerful thighs—that had held Jongup up against the wall once, making love to him and telling him that he must be quiet, that anyone could look down the alley and see what they were doing, see how he was moaning for his hyungie’s cock and he would hate to be caught like that—until he was hardly a hair’s breadth away from the man he had proclaimed his love to. Those hands—that touched him tenderly when they made love, stroking every dip in his body, caressing along muscle and smooth skin before gripping firmly but never painfully, keeping him in place as the thrusts would strike into him with such precision that Jongup would have no choice but to cry out to the heavens and plea for more and for it to stop because it was always blissfully too much—wrapped around Jongup’s wrist only after dipping into his pocket. Himchan parted his lips—lips that brought more pleasure than Jongup had ever thought possible and always made him scream out with the simplest of strokes, be it against his entrance or his length or just his body, but especially when they were against his own lips…that was heaven—and spoke in a soft tone that sent shivers down Jongup’s spine, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Jongup cried out as his wrists were released from the chains and he would have collapsed to the floor if not for Himchan quickly enveloping him and pulling him to his broad chest. His legs were too weak and tired after being chained up to support himself and so he was still at Himchan’s mercy even though he was no longer tied up. Wounds on his back were reopened by the movement, blood having simply dried and caked on his skin now cracking and even then, Himchan kept his arms around him.  
  
“Baby…I’m so sorry…” Himchan repeated as he carefully cupped his lover’s cheek. This time, Jongup didn’t spit in his face. This time, he simply stared. He stared until he felt tears forming in his eyes and he could no longer keep them open. He ended up blinking them away but as he had gone to do so, Himchan’s lips were suddenly against his. All restraint left Jongup in the sense that he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t think. Now that Himchan’s lips were against his despite how dry and broken his own lips were, it was sweet and everything he didn’t even know he had been in need of this whole time.


	2. Chapter 2

Jongup knew that he should have pulled away from the kiss the moment that Himchan’s lips touched his, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was so wonderful to be touched in such a way, so gentle and loving compared to all the pain that he had endured during the past couple days or however long that he had been held captive. This was the Himchan that he remembered. The soft but firm lips that touched his, guiding him into a kiss that took his breath away and gave reason for those tears to fall down his cheeks.  The emotion that Himchan could make Jongup feel was almost always too much and he didn’t know why he had thought that he could tell his heart to no longer love this man even though he’d been beaten and tortured mercilessly at his hand.  
  
“I’ll find a way to get you out of here.” Himchan muttered against his lover’s lips. Jongup didn’t believe him but he didn’t vocalize that. Right then, he was working on not losing it and sobbing over the man who was doing everything he could to hold him up. Jongup, even while being malnourished from the past week, had a lot of muscle and weighed a good amount when he was completely uncooperative though obviously not by choice. Himchan didn’t even want Jongup to try and stand; he wouldn’t do that to him. “Here.” Himchan carefully dragged Jongup over to the wall where he lowered him down to sit.  
  
After placing his lover on the ground, Himchan walked over to the corner where a small table lay and an array of torturing devices lay. It was clear that he was going easy on Jongup given the wide variety and the few that had actually been used. The elder man returned with a water bottle that he carefully tipped into Jongup’s mouth. The man drank eagerly.  
  
“That’s it, my love.” Himchan encouraged and yet still pulled the bottle back prematurely, causing Jongup to protest with a whimper. “You can’t drink too much too quickly. You’ll get sick.”  
  
“Why…” Jongup rasped out, looking up tiredly at the man he had once put on a pedestal. This had been the hyung that he had trusted like no other, the one that he had given his everything to despite what his leader had told him. “Zelo and Blackman were right…you don’t care…you’ve never—“ He coughed and his whole body was racked with pain, a pained gasped escaping him. “Never cared,” He finally finished, his eyes closing as he could no longer look at the beautiful face of his once lover.  
  
“I’ve always cared.” Himchan stated firmly, tipping the bottle onto a cloth that he had brought over with him to gently dab it along Jongup’s face, clearing the area around his mouth and eyes. “I still care, but I have no choice. They’ll kill us both if I don’t cooperate.”  
  
“You tricked me.” Jongup accused firmly.  
  
There was a flicker of _something_ in Himchan’s eyes and yet Jongup wasn’t looking and so missed it. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t have understood it anyways.  
  
“I’ll get you out of here.” Himchan repeated before setting the bottle and cloth aside. His long fingers that had been giving nothing but pain recently caressed along Jongup’s cheek in a loving touch. Jongup flinched, but didn’t have it in him to pull away. It was too good. “I love you.”  
  
“Don’t.” Jongup ground out through his teeth. His eyes opened and tears had filled them once again. “Don’t say you love me after what you put me through. That’s not fucking fair.”  
  
Love wasn’t torturing someone. Love wasn’t stringing them up and starving them for days. Love wasn’t tricking the man that you claimed to care for into bed to get to his gang. Love wasn’t…Jongup let out a broken sob that racked his body and only caused him more pain. His body wasn’t capable of such a motion without creating agony that left him breathless.  
  
“Oh…Jonguppie, please…please don’t cry.” Himchan set down the cloth and the water bottle, carefully bringing his younger lover into his arms and holding him close. It was a gentle cradle that he had done all of two times in the past year that he had spent getting close to this man. Once, when Jongup’s mother had passed away and another when Blackman—Himchan never learned his name—had given Jongup the ultimatum of the gang or Himchan(Jongup had chosen Himchan and it took all of three days for Blackman to change his mind and accept Jongup back into the gang as that was his only family—and now Jongup was regretting ever choosing the man over his family.)  
  
“Y-You did this to me…” Jongup managed out in between sobs, trying not to lose it completely even though it was a lost cause. He was captured and had been tortured. Only death would follow. And some sick part of him desired that it be by Himchan’s hand and no other’s. It was a tragic sort of ending to his life that he could deal with. “Jun was right…”  
  
In the year that Himchan had been with Jongup, never had he heard the man use names other than those assigned by the gang. But the moment that Jongup said ‘Jun’, Himchan was pretending that he never heard it. He was not going to cause his lover anymore pain.  
  
“Will you let me bathe you?” Jongup sniffled and glanced up at the man. His attention was then drawn to a small basin in the corner, one that would be adequate enough for a sponging and Jongup wondered if that had been meant to give him a false sense of security.  
  
At that thought, his whole body tensed and he looked up to Himchan sharply. With a rush of adrenaline, he pushed himself away and scrambled all of a meter’s length before Himchan was wrapping his arms around him and pulling the man back to him.  
  
“Sh, sh, baby…calm down. I-I won’t hurt you anymore.”  
  
Jongup struggled for a single moment before he collapsed into Himchans’ harms once again. He was in no state to fight or try to flee even if he thought he could stand on his own two feet. “It’s a trap.” He breathed out in a soft voice, his voice still raspy and his eyes shut tight as though he were doing his best to block all of this out.  
  
Himchan hadn’t expected to hear such words from his lover and so when he did, he stared in shock, though didn’t loosen his grip. The younger man turned his head, looking up through the strands of his sandy blond hair that was oily and dirty, parts of it caked with blood. His lips were dry still, but didn’t look so bad anymore, his eyes were bloodshot and surrounded by large bags as he hadn’t been able to sleep properly this entire week, his cheeks were red and there was a large gash along the curve of his sharp jawbone. Maybe it was because it was his work did Himchan still find Jongup to look so absolutely beautiful.  
  
“It’s not a trap.” He stated firmly enough that he is surprised that not thirty seconds later, Jongup is nodding his head, closing his eyes once again and surrendering completely.  
  
Now that Himchan had Jongup’s cooperation, it wasn’t all that hard to maneuver the younger man over to the basin, sitting him down and beginning a gentle, but meticulous scrubbing. Himchan noticed that Jongup dozed out a good few times before actually succumbing to sleep. This would be more restful than when he was strung up to the ceiling with his feet unable to touch the ground. He was glad to see Jongup resting while he could because Himchan had no idea how much longer they had in here. If someone became suspicious and came to check on them, then Himchan would be screwed.  
  
Twenty minutes later and Jongup woke up. He gasped at the pressing of a rough towel to his wounds on his back, struggling immediately. He thrashed as hard as he could, adrenaline giving him the strength to do so even though his whole body was protesting every movement that he made. Himchan tried to rein him in, but it didn’t seem like he could get to Jongup at that time. The man was screaming, sounding in pure agony and Himchan debated about letting it continue as it made it seem as though he were being tortured. This meant that their time together would be prolonged just a bit more.  
  
But he couldn’t bear the screams anymore.  
  
“Baby, please, sh, my love.” Himchan moved his hands over unmarred skin, trying to calm him down.  
  
It took another three minutes before Jongup completely gave up. He sagged against the elder man and proceeded to sob. He was barely coherent at that current moment and certainly pliable once again. His eyes opened despite the tears and he looked up to the man who was holding him. Himchan had been kneeling on the floor when he dried Jongup, and now the man’s back was across his lap, curled up and naked against his chest. And they found it impossible to look away from one another.  
  
“Please…” Jongup rasped out, coughing when he spoke as it seemed that his throat was far too dry. Himchan reached for the water and gently tipped some back into his throat. “Kill me…” He finished only when able to. Himchan tensed and looked at the man in shock, not having expected to hear such a thing from his lover. Yes, he had said such a thing before, but this time…while Himchan was doing his best to care for the man, promised to get him out and be there for him, he was still asking to be killed. It broke Himchan’s heart.  
  
“I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to get you out of here.” He decided. There was no way that he could let his go on for any longer. He simply couldn’t. He couldn’t when he was the one torturing Jongup and creating such scars on this otherwise perfect body, causing those tears to streak down that beautiful face, causing him to fear life as death seemed more prosperous.  
  
Jongup shook his head but said no more.  
  
“You’ll see…” Himchan said very softly before he pressed his lips to the younger man’s forehead. At the gentle shudder that passed through his body, he pressed his lips to his skin again, except this time to Jongup’s temple.  
  
“Stop…” Jongup pleaded.  
  
Himchan didn’t stop. He moved his lips further down. He brushed his lips against Jongup’s unmarred cheek. He moved them along the side of his jaw that wasn’t marked. A smile is pressed against his skin when he felt Jongup’s fingers tightening in his shirt and pulling him even closer. Obviously, Jongup didn’t want him to stop anymore.  
  
“P-please…” Himchan moved away to look down at the man who met his gaze, a plea written in them that Himchan doesn’t wish to misunderstand.  
  
“What is it, my love?” He whispered, fingers lifting to gently wisp through the strands of hair that he had done his best to clean.  
  
Jongup’s breath stuttered and he faltered for a moment. “L-love…me.” If Jongup was going to die anyways, then he figured that he should have at least one last good thing before his life is ended.  
  
“I have _always_ loved you.” Himchan stated before complying to his lover’s wish, never one to pass up such an opportunity, though not wanting to waste the bit of time that they had together. He gently laid Jongup across the small cot that had been supplied in the room. This room wasn’t there specifically for Jongup and other captives didn’t require constant restraint to break.  
  
Jongup gasped as his back was pressed to the uncomfortable cot. It was such a relief to be stretched out like that. Multiple pops could be heard when his spine was straightened. Looking up at Himchan, Jongup smiled thankfully. If he had to endure this, then he could at least request that it’s pleasant; Himchan never denied him anything. His feet hung off the edge of the squeaky makeshift resting place, his shoulder hitting the wall and it was clear that this wasn’t made for comfort—which was fine with Jongup because it was still more than he had been generously given the past week anyways.  
  
The relief was momentary as he felt a slight twinge of fear when he felt Himchan’s larger body slide over his. It was warm and had once made him feel safe and secure, but not this time. It caused him to feel an ever growing sense of fear that he couldn’t exactly contain, didn’t know if it made sense or was accepted given what Himchan had put him through up until that moment. At the same time, it was…comforting. It was comforting to feel the body that he had learned intimately in the past year touch his in a way that only this man had ever had the experience to.  
  
“What….” Jongup started but found that he could not continue his sentence. But not for a lack of trying; it was Himchan’s lips against his that stopped his speech. A soft muffled protest lasted for a total of ten seconds before he was complying with something that he wanted and needed and so often and then-desperately desired.  
  
Himchan smiled against his lips. He felt triumphant, but at the same time, he was also aware that it was most likely due to exhaustion on Jongup’s part, not necessarily willing compliance or desire. Never had there been a time where he wished that he was proved wrong as much as he was at that moment. Soon, he would be; but for now, he was content to simply be over the man that he loved, touching him in a way that he had feared he’d never be allow to do again, and then tasting him…despite being deprived of food and drink, Jongup still tasted as pleasant and intoxicating as he had learned that first night that they had gone out.  
  
 _“I had fun, hyung. We’ll have to do that again.” Jongup said with a shy smile. He wasn’t used to going out, nor was he familiar with the ritual of dating a man and being the more submissive one of the two. Then again, he’d only been on a date a handful of times and none of those led to where he was at that current time with this man who was practically visually devouring him._  
  
 _“Yeah…we will.” At the agreement from Himchan, Jongup turned and was about to input the code to his door before Himchan placed a hand on his hip and pulled him back. Though, it wasn’t just a pull. It was more of a gentle guidance that Jongup could have easily refused, and yet…he didn’t. He looked over his shoulder and slowly turned to be facing the elder man once again._  
  
 _Nothing was said in the thirty-seven seconds that they stared at one another._  
  
 _Fourteen seconds later and Jongup found his back against the door that he had just been about to open and a soft gasp passed his lips had been caught by Himchan’s own lips that pressed to his in a gentle caress that quite literally took Jongup’s breath away._  
  
 _Neither moved for twenty-three seconds. It was just a gentle kiss that was soon interrupted before Himchan could deepen it._  
  
 _“Fucking kids these days…” A grumbly old man grumbled as he passed them, otherwise ignoring their actions._  
  
 _Jongup’s eyes widened and he promptly hid his face in Himchan’s neck and laughed quite shyly, though it mixed with whines that expressed his embarrassment. Himchan, on the other hand, simply chuckled and pressed his cheek to the top of Jongup’s head. Eight seconds later, he was attempting to resume the kiss. It earned him a swat to the arm and a playful glare._  
  
 _“Goodnight, Himchan.” Jongup practically squeaked out as he turned to quickly input his code and stepped into his flat. Before Himchan could get a step forward, the door was shut in his face and he only laughed._  
  
 _“Goodnight, Jongup…”_  
  
A few moments later and Jongup hissed and turned his head away. He lift a hand to touch his lip gently and found blood. He looked up at Himchan accusingly but knew that it was from the dehydration.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Himchan muttered, though didn’t stop. He didn’t want to. They only had a short amount of time and Himchan wanted to give Jongup something to prove that what they had was real, that while he had an agenda, everything he had done and said had been the truth. To continue without damaging Jongup’s lips more and causing him undue pain, he pressed his lips to his clavicle and purposefully dragged his lips across scars and wounds that he had made. One was drawn along the curve of Jongup’s collarbone, crooked and ridged to increase the duration in which the knife was pressed to his skin.  
  
 _“Stop, stop, stop!” Jongup called out, his head tipped back and his whole body taut. It hurt so much. The skin on his collarbone was so sensitive, so thin and unused to any sort of abuse. The pain of the knife being dragged slowly across his skin took his breath away and there was no time for him to catch it. His fingers curled around the chains that were holding him up and he was sure that the fact he was crying was now obvious. He didn’t know what hurt more, the knife cutting his skin, or the man holding said knife._  
  
 _“Tell me.” Himchan spoke low. His voice was deep and husky and Jongup liked to pretend that it was because Himchan was doing his best not to let the emotions he was feeling show. He’d soon come to learn that Himchan never had emotions—though that would be his interpretation of it._  
  
 _“Just stop!” Jongup cried out and tried to move his body away from the knife. There wasn’t any way to, though. His feet barely brushed the floor and his arms were too exhausted from the position to gain any leverage from the chains. He was stuck and at Himchan’s mercy._  
  
The feel of Himchan’s lips on a mark that _he_ created took Jongup’s breath away, just as intensely as it did when the mark had been made initially. It was interesting how this man could cause the pain that would both emotionally and physically scar Jongup for the rest of his life, yet bring such pleasure from touching it with a gentle kiss that never should be placed there to begin with. He shouldn’t be allowing this but he had no will to fight back. He was going to die and he wanted to enjoy every moment of this.  
  
Himchan’s lips then drifted down to his sternum, all while Himchan parted Jongup’s legs and brought them up to his hips. It caused Jongup to tense and he wanted to fight back, he was sure that he did. Though, the moan and whine of pleasure that he then gave made that seem highly unlikely. He could feel Himchan smirk against his skin as though he were triumphant, as though he had won…and it really seemed like he did.  
  
“Fuck!” Jongup cried out in pain, his eyes shutting tightly and his body arching. When Himchan’s hands had begun to move along his thighs, he hadn’t expected them to move to the back where scars from the flogging were placed. They weren’t even close to being fully healed; they were pained and sore and only just scabbed over. It didn’t seem as though Himchan cared, though he didn’t linger for which Jongup was quite grateful for. “Himchan, please…” He breathed out in between the moans and noises of pain that he made.  
  
Himchan only shook his head. He didn’t think that he could manage a verbal response. His hips canted upward just enough to press his clothed erection to Jongup’s bare ass. The feeling of it pressed against his rear in such a way brought back memories.  
  
 _“A-are you sure, hyungie—“ Jongup swallowed as he dug his nails into the arms that were wrapped around his waist. He was trying to keep in control of his body’s reactions even though it was proving to be quite difficult. The feel of Himchan’s body up against his as he was trapped against the wall was enough to make it hard to breathe, though that could also be the fault of the small room that they were in, it was a glorified closet, really._  
  
 _“Am I sure about what, Jonguppie? That I want you? Of course I want you.” Himchan huskily whispered as his hands slid down Jongup’s sides, touching intimately while lifting the shirt to brush over hips muscles that the elder man has come to adore more than anything else._  
  
 _“B-but…h-here?” Jongup looked over his shoulder as best he could to the man in question. Himchan only smirked and nodded his head. “Hyungie…”_  
  
 _“What, Jonguppie...don’t you want me?” Himchan said for amusement. Jongup laughed softly, his cheeks a soft red and he ended up closing his eyes. “That’s what I thought…now try stay quiet for your hyungie.”_  
  
“Now, Jongup…I want you to listen to me…we don’t have much time, but I want to make love to you.” Jongup let out a soft whisper and yet Himchan didn’t stop speaking. He instead moved his lips back up to Jongup’s and touched the dry skin lovingly. “I love you so much, baby, and I am so sorry for everything…I will make it up to you one day.” And when Jongup didn’t look like he believed the elder man, Himchan sighed. “Let me love  you like I have every day since I met you…give me that much.”  
  
There was a retort on the tip of Jongup’s tongue but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, not with Himchan above him like this and looking so perfect even though he had closed his eyes to try and wish away this whole thing—it wasn’t working, he noticed and so he opened his eyes again, looking up to the flawless face of his once lover, to the man he had given himself to, his heart and his body and his soul… “Take it…you’ve taken everything else from m-me, Himchan…i-it’s only right f-for you to t-take this, t-too.”  
  
Himchan looked at the man before him and was unsure what he was supposed to say. Jongup truly had given him everything, body and soul, a year ago when they had first met and they had first made their relationship official and when they had first consummated their love for one another. What Jongup was doing now was…giving up. The oblivious, foolish and easily timid man who he had loved and protected on many occasions was giving up. It caused tears to fill Himchan’s eyes but he blinked them away.  
  
 _“Take me.” Jongup breathed as he looked up at the elder man who was obviously aroused and intended to take this further. They were laying on Jongup’s bed in his flat where it was otherwise silent. There was the hum of the air-con and the sounds of the city below, but to the two of them, only they existed in this world._  
  
 _“Jongup, baby…are you sure?” Himchan said even as he pushed himself up and rid himself of his jacket and his shirt. They had stumbled into the apartment during a heated kiss and they hadn’t even bothered to take off their shoes before they ended up in the bedroom. And then there they were, Jongup’s legs spread and bent with Himchan’s larger body between them and above his, their eyes locked after a kiss that had left them breathless._  
  
 _“I love you.” Was Jongup’s reply, proving to Himchan that he was indeed sure about this because he knew himself well enough to know that the emotion Himchan fueled within him was intense enough to warrant such an act. It was more than enough to make what they were intending to do better than one might otherwise think._  
  
 _The look of surprise on Himchan’s face caused Jongup to flush and glance away and in the time that Jongup was looking away, Himchan frowned because he had regrets. This relationship with Jongup wasn’t supposed to progress so quickly and so intensely. While he had feelings for Jongup and they had been growing for a while, he hadn’t been willing to speak of them because of the whole situation. Jongup wouldn’t understand. The elder breathed out softly and lowered his lips to the strong jawline that outlined the perfect, beautiful face of his soon-to-be-lover._  
  
 _“I love you, too.”_  
  
 _Jongup grinned and it would light up a stadium. Himchan knew that he was both going to regret this and wasn’t making a mistake._  
  
Time passed slowly from then on. Or it passed too quickly. Jongup was enjoying every single caress from Himchan, every loving touch and every light kiss that was pressed to the unmarred parts of his skin and even to the scars that Himchan had created. Every mark was given to him by the man who was currently above him and was currently intending to love him in a way that Jongup had thought they’d never do again. It was both incredible and frightening how much Jongup _still_ trusted this man and wanted him to touch him in such a way when he had sworn to himself from the first moment he had discovered Himchan’s betrayal that he would never allow this man to touch him again.  
  
That obviously didn’t last long.  
  
When Himchan’s hands moved back down over Jongup’s thighs and touched near his rear, sliding along the crevice a few times, Jongup gasped and looked up at the man in shock. “Himchan, I-I—“  
  
 _It was maybe the second day, or that’s what Jongup assumed. He had fallen asleep after the initial meeting with Himchan and had fallen asleep in that time. Jongup didn’t think that he had been in this place for long. It was still quite painful to be held up, but he wasn’t as panicked as he had been when he first came to consciousness._  
  
 _His eyes were still covered and he knew he was alone in the room as he couldn’t hear Himchan. And Jongup would like to think that he’d been with Himchan long enough to know whether or not he was in the room. The man never sat still and never breathed quietly. Those were things that he had taken comfort in many times over the course of their relationship. And even when they slept together, Himchan never lay still unless Jongup was in his arms and when that was the case, he never breathed lightly. It was a habit._  
  
 _After a while of being awake and boredom had overcome him, Jongup felt a familiar pressure in his lower abdomen. His whole body tensed and he didn’t know if he had felt such fear and shame before in his life—and this was before he knew the plans that had been made in his regard. He had eaten a bit before the raid had occurred and the time that his body took to…digest the food must have been delayed while he had been sedated and when he’d been filled with adrenaline._  
  
 _“God, no…not now.”_  
  
 _It was another thirty minutes and he was no longer able to control his bodily functions. Never had he been so disgusted with himself before in his life. This was probably another shame tactic to get him to speak of his gang and he…he couldn’t do that._  
  
 _Silently, he cried softly. He didn’t want to do this or be in this position. And he knew that he wouldn’t be rescued. Being down a member meant it was less likely that they’d go to the home turf of their rival gang. Jongup understood, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept._  
  
“I washed you.” Himchan stated with a gentle smile. Jongup’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed and more tears filled his eyes as though he hadn’t cried enough since his capture. Jongup closed his eyes and tried to turn away from Himchan, which is when the elder’s hand came up to cup his unmarred cheek and brought it back to him. “I love you.”  
  
Jongup was in denial for all of three seconds before Himchan was kissing him again and taking his breath away just as every kiss they had ever shared had done. He no longer had the energy to refuse Himchan, though it wasn’t as though he were truly refusing or fighting against him, he simply felt…compelled to give in. Whether this was their last time to be together or not, Jongup didn’t have it in him to decide what he wanted one way or the other. Besides, Himchan was amazing as convincing him to do whatever he wanted. And Jongup was amazing at giving in to Himchan’s every whim.  
  
It wasn’t long before Himchan’s finger was prodding at his entrance and the substance that made it easier for entrance shocked Jongup because he had no idea when Himchan had had time to grab such a thing and how that was even possible. He swallowed and ignored that fact because he didn’t want to jinx it and he didn’t want to ruin what little time they had together.  
  
The preparation was the same that it had always been. Himchan kissed over his neck and stroked his side while slowly pressing a finger into him, then another and another and it wasn’t long before Jongup was writhing beneath him. Sweat broke out on his skin and he was panting heavily. Jongup felt an intense amount of desire at this point and he didn’t think that he could breathe evenly even if he tried. Himchan’s calloused fingers always felt so teasing inside of him and his body above his was so warm even though he was still clothed and even though they were in a cell where he had been tortured and where his blood littered the ground, he felt…okay. Given all that he had endured the past week, he was honestly feeling okay at that moment and it was nice. It was nice not to have to fear what Himchan was going to do next, fear whether or not he was even affected by doing what he did. All of this was simply…nice and okay.  
  
“Please…” Jongup finally muttered, the first coherent and audible word since Himchan started to prepare him. It was such a _nice_ feeling to be filled even with just his fingers for now. It was so _nice_ to have Himchan kissing him and stoking him gently after all that the man had done to him and it was so _nice_ to feel so _nice_.  
  
“You’re sure?” Jongup opened his eyes again finally and smiled breathlessly up at the man he knew that he could never fall out of love with. And he nodded. “Good.”  
  
When Himchan’s body left his, that fear returned because for all Himchan knew, it was a ploy. It was to get him comfortable and pliable before implementing some other sort of torture. Himchan saw this look on his lover’s face and he smiled lovingly.  
  
“I’m just undressing.” Himchan’s definition of undressing was taking off his shirt and setting it over on the table with the torture devices so it wouldn’t get dirty from the floor. His pants came undone, but weren’t removed. And when he cock was pulled into view, Jongup pushed himself up a bit, looking at it in the same eager way that he had looked at it for the past year. It was such a delectable treat that he never had in his mouth enough; that was only because Himchan took more pleasure from pleasuring him than receiving pleasure himself.  
  
“Hurry, hyungie…” Jongup said as he lay back on the bed, unable to keep himself up any longer due to muscle weakness from his restraints.  
  
Himchan stared over his naked lover, easily ignoring the cuts and welts and everything else that he had been the cause of and still saw all the beauty underneath them. “Of course…” Himchan said huskily before moving back to his spread lover’s legs, situating himself between them and smirking when Jongup’s legs twitched when he tried to move them into a better position that would give Himchan the right angle of entry. There was something erotic about having Jongup at his mercy, unable to do anything but accept whatever he was given. At least this time, Himchan intended to please his lover. Himchan opened his mouth to speak, but Jongup beat him to it.  
  
“I’m ready.” The younger one breathed out in that same needy tone that he had spoken with for months now, when he had gotten over his shyness and came to terms with the fact that it was _okay_ to want to have sex multiple times a day.  
  
 _“Fucking hell, Jongup.” Himchan moaned and tilted his head back. Said man was sitting in the front seat of his car, the seat pushed away from the steering wheel to give Jongup more room. The younger man was sitting on his lap, both of them mostly dressed but for Jongup’s bottoms that had been removed to make this possible. “So…tight.” Himchan grunted out as his lover rocked his hips skillfully as though he had been doing this for ages, or been paid to. Either way, it was fucking fantastic._  
  
 _Jongup smirked, though there was a small tinge of embarrassment on his cheeks that blended in with the flush of arousal. “S-sorry…hyungie.” The man breathed out as he rolled his hips with such perfection that he was hitting his prostate every single time and taking his own breath away. “I just…w-wanted you..” His tone was unlike anything Himchan had ever heard before and it was incredible just how needy he sounded despite already having a cock filling him and in control of the movements._  
  
 _Himchan had his hands grasping his lover’s hips, not guiding, but simply holding because it was so hard not to when it felt so incredible, felt so good that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with himself, how he was supposed to deal with the pleasure and eroticism of doing it in a car in the parking garage of the younger man’s building after a date that Himchan had assumed would end innocently enough. “This is so—oh, fuck!” It was an orgasm that had no warning, no hints or signs or anything that would let either of them know that it was approaching. The small shift of Jongup’s hips had created just the right kind of stimulation that it was enough to have him shouting in the confines of the heated vehicle._  
  
 _Jongup smirked but didn’t stop._  
  
Himchan pressed his cock to the stretched entrance of his lover, looking down at him and never breaking eye contact because he doesn’t want to. What they were doing was risky and could cost them both their lives and he wanted to take advantage of what they had together. He wanted to make the most of it and he intended to do just that. So as he began to press into the man below him, he gasped out softly, but otherwise stayed quiet because he would much rather hear the noises that Jongup made.  
  
He screamed. And for the first time since being here, it was because of the pleasure. It was absolute pleasure that had done this, such intense pleasure that his whole body felt on edge, tensed. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he would wrap his arms around Himchan to pull them closer if he didn’t feel so weak. So he settled with writhing just a bit as that was all he could manage.  
  
Himchan didn’t cease moving until he was buried within the tight channel of his lover and it was absolutely incredible. It was perfect. He was tight and warm and everything that Himchan had remembered him being and he felt so lucky that he was the one who knew this fact, that he had the opportunity to do this again. He truly was a lucky man and yet he knew it wasn’t going to last long.  
  
“Baby, I-I…” Himchan started, though Jongup’s body instinctively clenched and it left him mindless for a moment. “I d-don’t have much t-time…” He explained as gently as he could. Carefully placing his hands on Jongup’s body, he still never took his gaze from him, not as he was whimpering with his eyes constantly closing and opening from the pleasure he was so obviously feeling even without much foreplay leading up to this.  
  
“Then…” Jongup managed and it was a couple moments before he could manage anything else. His hands were clenching around nothing and his toes were curling. After all the pain that he had endured, this pleasure was far more than he could handle. “Move.”  
  
The elder man didn’t need any more encouragement. Anytime that Jongup made a demand such as that, Himchan knew that he could listen and trust him enough to know that this was the right decision. He drew his hips back in a slow motion, one that was both teasing and pleasing. It was intense. Just before he pushed back in, he looked down over his naked lover and smiled gently, even though he was feeling an incredible amount of pleasure, he didn’t want there to be any doubt behind his actions at that moment. “I love you.”  
  
Jongup didn’t have the chance to respond before Himchan was driving back into him in just the right angle, with just the right force and with the right speed that he was screaming once again. Thankfully, Himchan knew that it was from pleasure and so didn’t stop there.  
  
He had no intention of stopping because stopping took from the short time that they had together. Stopping meant that he was less likely to finish what he had started and he doesn’t want to leave Jongup hanging, doesn’t want the man to question anything if they were suddenly forced to stop for whatever reason. While he hoped that didn’t happen, he wasn’t going to take any chances. His hips drove in with such force that there was the sound of skin slapping against skin and Jongup’s wounds on the back of his legs would be more irritated by the time that they were done with this, but neither cared.  
  
The pain was easily overridden with the pleasure, which was good for the both of them. Himchan could express his love and Jongup…Jongup could enjoy and experience something other than pain.  
  
It was a short coupling, all in all. Himchan had been feeling desire for Jongup since the moment that he was captured and it had only been quelled during the time that he had been torturing his love for information. Jongup was convinced that he was going to die and so wanted to enjoy this sweet break from pain and fear. It wasn’t long before Jongup was panting out just how close he was, or how good It felt or that he wanted Himchan to move harder, faster, because he was _right there_ and he needed just a little bit more. Himchan gave him everything. There was no one command or plea from the younger man that Himchan didn’t obey. That was just the sort of lover he was.  
  
Jongup’s arm twitched and he tried to move his hand to reach in between their bodies and touch himself. He needed just that extra bit of stimulation and he needed it soon. He needed the pleasure that would be complete if _only_ he could reach himself. But his arm was still too weak. Thankfully, Himchan noticed.  
  
“I got you.” Himchan whispered into Jongup’s ear, his cheek pressed against the unmarred cheek of his lover’s. He released the side that he had been holding and wrapped his calloused hand around Jongup’s length that was weeping with its arousal. At the single touch, Jongup is spasming and Himchan knew he was close. With a couple sure, talented, experienced and skilled strokes of his hand—that was most of all familiar—Jongup was releasing between them, crying out his lover’s name to the high heavens and the sound itself was enough to cause a panic within Himchan, but he still did not stop.  
  
At Jongup’s release, Himchan smiled and looked down at him as though he had put the stars in the sky. The sight of the man in the throes of pleasure, his eyes hooded and unseeing, cheeks flushed and lips parted— _beautiful,_ Himchan thought to himself. It wasn’t long before the contractions of the already tight channel that Himchan was inside of was enough to bring him to his release. It was a few more thrusts, just a couple more moments of concentrating on his lover beneath him, thinking only of him and the pleasure that he derives from his body that set off his orgasm—and what an orgasm it was.  
  
His whole body snapped taut and his hips stilled while his release filled the man below him. His hands gripped Jongup tighter and, while he could hear the whimper of pain that Jongup gave, he couldn’t release until the last tremor passed. And even then…he nearly collapsed down onto the man he had just made love to and he felt perfect.  
  
A goofy smile adorned his mouth like it always did after they made love and while Jongup usually took amusement from such a sight, it was hard to feel amused when he was brought back to reality. This would be the time that they roll over and curl up with one another, when they hold one another throughout the night and wake up in the middle of the night to do it again, and then again in the morning before they had breakfast together and went their separate ways until lunch—because they always met up for lunch. Himchan would pick Jongup up and they’d go out to eat, laugh and talk and be merry. Then they’d go back to their work—their gangs—and not see each other again until they were able to escape home once more. And after a dinner they would share in front of the TV—usually take out—then they’d make it to the bedroom and the cycle would start all over again.  
  
 _Jongup’s head rest on Himchan’s shoulder, his body curled up against the man that lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling with a content smile on his face. Jongup was smiling as well, only into the skin of the man he had just been made love to by. There was still come inside and on his body, a good amount as that happens when you have a sex drive like Jongup does, one round always enough, but never_ truly _satisfying._  
  
 _“I love you, hyungie.” Jongup said softly, always the one to say it first and yet never sharp enough to question why that was the case._  
  
 _“I love you, too.” Himchan said, turning to kiss his lover’s forehead. He had learned to say it back without any hesitance, without fear of being seen through or without needing to hate himself every time he heard it from Jongup._  
  
 _“My friend started asking about you again…” Jongup kept his friends name’s hidden. He always did. It wasn’t safe to tell anyone, not even the love of his life. “He wants to meet you, but…”_  
  
 _“I know.” Himchan said. It’d been made clear a while ago that his friends didn’t like Himchan even though they never met him. None of them made it clear why, but they did have a good reason to even if Himchan was the only one aware of it. “That’s okay. There’s no rush, baby.” Himchan reassured his lover before grabbing the blanket that had been kicked to the foot of the bed and covered them up. “Let’s get some sleep since I have to head into work early tomorrow.”_  
  
 _There was no argument on Jongup’s part. He simply smiled and kissed Himchan’s chest, just by his heart, and snuggled against him more to fall asleep, never needing long to do that when he was with Himchan._  
  
“Himchan…” Jongup breathed out, that fear returning and Himchan knew that this wasn’t going to last, but that didn’t make it any easier for him.  
  
“I know…but trust me.” He said as he slowly pushed himself up. They couldn’t cuddle like he would want to, they couldn’t linger with gentle kisses and light touches to help one another enjoy and prolong their post-orgasmic bliss. Himchan had to move quickly if he was going to get him cleaned up once more and back into the restraints.  
  
Pulling out created a crude _squelch_ and Jongup winced but didn’t say anything about it, simply whimpered at the loss. He didn’t want Himchan to go, but he figured that that was the end and soon, his life would be at the end as well. It was nice while it lasted.  
  
Himchan had just rose from the cot, purposefully not looking to the weakened man he had tortured and then made love to, and was in the process of tucking himself away before the door to the cell opened  with a loud and bone-rattling screech and two separate men stood in the doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

_“I told the boss that Himchan would fuck him.”  
  
“Guess that means we all get a go at him now, right?”_  
  
Jongup wasn’t sure if it was fear or disgust pooling in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the two figures in the doorway, their silhouettes outlined but otherwise impossible to make out. He swallowed thickly and tried not to make his fear so obvious, but it was. Of course it was. He was a prisoner and he had just had sex and he was going to be—  
  
“Like hell you’re touching him.” Himchan stated firmly after his initial shock. He knew that this could happen, but he had been hoping that they would have more time. He just needed a _little_ more time. He didn’t want Jongup to be touched by anyone but him. He had tortured him, yes, but he also loved him. No one else could claim that and no one else could claim the right to touch him in any such way—not while he was around and alive to complain.  
  
Jongup glanced over at his lover, unable to even push himself to sit up, too weak and too afraid to even attempt any sort of movement that might put these two men on the offense. He swallowed thickly and watched how Himchan stood tall and proud, looking unmovable and the sight of it would have taken Jongup’s breath away if he had any breath to take away. He was tired and weary and had just been satisfied like he had only dreamed of from the moment he was brought into this place of pain by the person who caused him said pain.  
  
The way in which Himchan stood up for his lover caused the two men at the door to laugh and make their way in. Jongup visibly shuddered and it only caused one of them to laugh even more. They weren’t of any significance, their looks at least. They didn’t _look_ particularly threatening, nor did they seem out of the ordinary. For being in a gang, they didn’t have any features that stood out. But Jongup figured that was the whole point… Zelo always joked that Jongup was too pretty to be in a gang himself, too pretty to be caught up in what they did and always told him to get out while he could. Jongup now wished that he took him up on that offer…  
  
“Can I go first, hyung?” The taller of the two spoke out, Jongup feeling his whole heart plummet into his stomach as he realized just what the man was implying as his sleep deprived, starved state hadn’t pieced together up until that point...  
  
“I don’t see why not. A couple of the others might want a go. It’s been a while since we’ve had a prisoner that we could fuck.” It was that scratchy voiced one, the one that sounded like nails on a chalkboard and Jongup just wanted to curl up in Himchan’s arms and never be parted from him again. “He looks like he’d suck cock like a good—“  
  
“Fuck no!” Himchan yelled. He took a step between Jongup and the two who were about to do something that Jongup had never thought he’d be on the receiving end of. He’d heard what happened to hostages of gangs; he’d been told by Blackman what others did and what they would never do and Jongup had been happy because of that fact. They weren’t the kind to cause pointless pain, to do such a thing; he shouldn’t be surprised that Himchan was.  
  
There was a cruel laugh from another man who stepped into the room, leaning against the frame of the old door, looking over Jongup like he was something to devour and Jongup had never felt so disgusted with himself. “You cleaned him up, Himchan. He’s free game now.” Himchan was shaking his head, but the one who had just entered wouldn’t have it. “You knew what would happen if you fucked the kid; don’t be so surprised. We’ll kill him before we use him _too_ much.”  
  
Himchan…knew. Himchan knew this would happen. He knew what he was doing. Jongup whimpered at that thought and he couldn’t believe it and yet…he knew it was true. He let out a soft groan while he began to try and push himself up. He couldn’t just _lay there_ and take whatever they were about to give him. That was weak and he wasn’t weak.  
  
“Aw, look at the kid. He’s trying so hard.” The man against the doorframe spoke cruelly.  
  
“Leave him alone! You’re not going to touch him.” Himchan finally spoke, moving back and sitting on the cot to gently help Jongup sit up, but the man didn’t want his help. Jongup wasn’t going to accept help from someone who not only betrayed him, tortured him, but had sex with him while _knowing_ what that would mean for him. “Jongup, baby, don’t listen to them. I won’t let them touch you; I promise.”  
  
“Your promises mean nothing, Kim!” Jongup cried out, pulling back and since he was unable to sit up on his own, he fell back to the bed and cried out as pain shot through him, leaving him terribly immobile for a few moments while he tried to catch his bearings.  
  
Himchan only closed his eyes and pulled back just slightly.  
  
“Out of here, Kim. I don’t like an audience.” The one who had been allowed the first turn spoke as he grabbed Himchan’s arm to remove him from the cot. He didn’t think that Himchan would put up a fight; hell, Jongup didn’t even think that Himchan would bother putting up a fight because he didn’t think that it would matter now. They were both wrong as Himchan not only pulled back his arm to be released by also threw the other one to hit the man across the face, knocking him back a few feet and standing before Jongup with determination set on his face.  
  
“Himchan!” The one from the doorway yelled, but didn’t move forward, watching as the raspy-voiced one stepped forward instead and made a move to grab Himchan to subdue him.  
  
“I said no one is touching him!” Himchan threw out another punch, but the one at the receiving end of the first punch made it to him first and pulled his arms back, not allowing his hyung to be punched again. But Himchan wasn’t done. He didn’t pause after being restrained before he’s throwing his head back to hit the other, causing him to be released and allowing him to dive at the other. Despite having tortured the poor man on the cot for the past week, Himchan wasn’t going to allow Jongup to come to anymore harm, let alone at the hand of someone else. By the time that he actually pushed the elder man up against the wall, his arm cocking back to deliver that punch that had been interrupted earlier, Himchan was subdued himself by a blow to the head. The man that had been standing in the doorway finally stepped forward to put a stop to this madness.  
  
During the time that Himchan had been trying to fight off Jongup’s eventual attackers, he had been slowly pushing himself up, pressing his back into the corner as though that would save him. He knew that he wasn’t strong enough to attempt to run away and he wasn’t in any condition to get out of there where he had no idea where he even was, but that didn’t mean he was going to lie there and allow himself to be violated in such a way.  
  
“Get him the fuck out of here.” The boss—Jongup assumed—growled out, anger obvious in his voice. “That fucker…I knew he’d be no good to us. Can’t even get this fucker to tell us where Blackman’s hideout is.” As he was speaking, his hands dropped to his belt buckle, undoing the loop and pulling the tongue from it, beginning to slide it out of his pants.  
  
“J-Jonguppie…” Himchan groaned as he lay on the ground before he was hefted from the floor by the two henchmen that had been hoping to get a go at the hostage before the boss did as the boss rarely ever left anyone in a state for someone else’s use.  
  
“Shut him up.”  
  
“Fuck—“ The man with the raspy voice cursed, doubling over as he held a hand to his crotch, obviously having just been kneed. Himchan wasn’t giving up that easily. He was barely conscious, hardly coherent and he couldn’t just sit there while Jongup was about to be violated in a way he knew he’d never be forgiven for allowing to happen.  
  
It took another few minutes for Himchan to be under control again. He was forced down to his knees while the other two men held his arms in place, looking to their boss for instructions on what to do next. And as their boss was about to open his mouth to give them their orders, he had a better idea. He glanced at Jongup with such malice that Jongup felt himself growing ill but there was only that bit of water that Himchan had allowed him and nothing else in his stomach.  
  
“I have a better idea.” It didn’t take much force for the boss to take Jongup’s hands and bind them with the belt, painfully so that Jongup was crying out initially. He struggled against them and tried to pull his hands free but was quickly slapped across the face for his efforts.  
  
“Jongup!” Himchan cried out, struggling as well. He couldn’t just sit here and watch his lover be harmed.  
  
“You’re going to watch, Himchan. And I’m going to make your boy enjoy this.” Jongup whimpered again and as he made a move to throw himself from the cot as stupid as that was, a hand wrapped around his throat and held him in place. “I’d like it if you struggle, dear _Jonguppie_ , it’ll be funny to see Himchan’s reactions.”  
  
“Don’t you touch him! Seunghyun, I’m serious! I’ll fucking kill you if you touch him!” Himchan yelled out angrily and was responded with a smack upside the head, but that hardly deterred him. “Leave him alone! He’ll tell _me_ what you want to know. Just let him be!”  
  
“You no longer have a say in this.” Seunghyun, as Jongup now knew him to be called, smirked, his hand still around the hostage’s neck as he motioned to his two lackeys. “Put up him where this bitch was.”  
  
Himchan’s eyes widened and he began to double his efforts of struggling. He wasn’t going to go down without a fight, he wasn’t going to allow Jongup to be tortured any further and he wasn’t going to allow them to just tie him up as though he were nothing deserving of the time of day. His body thrashed side to side and yet he couldn’t get his arms free and couldn’t aim a kick that would bring one of his captor’s down to allow him the freedom to move. Before he knew it, his arms were being strung up above his head where Jongup’s had been for the past week. He was chained and there was no chance of escape at this point.  
  
“Now, both of you out; this is a private affair.” Neither of them questioned, but the taller one did express some displeasure before the door was shut and their boss was left alone with Jongup and Himchan, both of them looking to the man with fear and anger respectively. “You know what…Himchan has been real faithful, Jongup, were you aware of that?” Himchan was in the process of cursing him to every hell that he knew of. “Well, not right now, but he’s a pretty loyal bastard—not to you; to me.” The slap in the face was metaphorical this time but it hurt no less, causing Jongup to wince and lift his bound hands to try and pull the one from his throat, but he hardly could get the hand to budge, so he instead worked on getting his hands from the bindings. “Because of that, I’ll give you _one_ chance to tell me where Blackman’s hideout is. Tell me that and I’ll let both of you go.”  
  
Jongup tensed at the offer. He glanced up to the man, to the man who was otherwise handsome if not for the evil that Jongup knew he was possessed by. It was such a simple offer. One that promised their lives and yet…he was obviously more loyal than Himchan.  
  
“Just tell him!” Himchan cried out, drawing Jongup’s eyes over to him before they returned to the man standing above him, threatening to cut off his air supply at any moment.  
  
“No.” Jongup rasped out.  
  
Seunghyun had anticipated that answer and so the eagerness and excitement that developed in his gaze frightened Jongup more than anything else and he didn’t even know what he had gotten himself into.  
  
“I like that answer. Seems like your bitch is more loyal than you, Himchannie; aren’t you proud?” Himchan furiously shook his head, refusing to believe that his lover, his precious boyfriend, the sensitive and still somewhat innocent man that he’d fallen in love with so long ago was about to be hurt in a way that he might never recover from. “I’ve heard of how you speak about how perfect of a fuck he is; that still true? I wonder if he’ll be as vocal for me as you claim him to be for you.”  
  
“No…” Jongup whimpered. Up until that point, he had been denying that anything of this sort would happen to him. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe that it could because Himchan wouldn’t subject him to _this_ sort of torture that was no longer just of his body. “No!” Jongup cried out even though his voice was hoarse from the dehydration and all the screaming that he had been doing over the past week. He finally got one of his hands free from the makeshift bond and began to push at the one still around his throat, kicking out his leg at the same time because there was no way that he was going to take it.  
  
“My, my…” Seunghyun laughed as his hand tightened around Jongup’s throat and his other hand dropped to grab Jongup’s thigh, fingers curling around the back of it and pressing into the wounds that lay there, causing him to cry out suddenly. “He is quite appealing; I can see how you’d find him a hot fuck.”  
  
Jongup began to shake his head furiously. He didn’t want to hear all of this. It was bad enough that he had to tell himself over and over again that he didn’t love Himchan, that he never loved him and while their relationship had been intimate, he’d never given him his body and soul like he promised a thousand times over. He spared a glance over at said lover and was heartbroken to see tears running down his face, his wrists already bloody from the amount of struggling he was doing and Jongup _knew_ how much those hurt. Part of him was reminded of the love that he and Himchan had, but the other was cruel and just reminded him of all that Himchan had done to him. None of that mattered, not while he was being easily overpowered and guided onto his back, his legs being pulled and he couldn’t even fight off his attacker. He was quickly becoming weary. Defeat was imminent and yet it wasn’t something that Jongup could accept. Not _this_ of all things that could be done to him…  
  
Himchan was shouting obscenities in between the sobbing that he was openly doing, continuing to try and get out of the chains. He’d have no luck with that. Jongup tried many times and never could get out. And he knew that Himchan knew this, but the man wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t just hang there and _watch_ his lover be degraded and—  
  
A sharp cry echoed through the cell as Jongup’s hand were pulled painfully above his head and his legs were spread in such a way that it caused his hips to ache immediately. It felt like they couldn’t be spread any further. It made it so he couldn’t fight. He couldn’t kick; he couldn’t close himself off to his attacker. He could only focus on the pain that was now surging through him in a more intense way that anything that Himchan had done to him and that might have been because of the way fear was also coursing through him intensely.  
  
Soft sobs left Jongup’s lips and he couldn’t think to silence himself, simply trying to writhe and get out from under this man who had undone his pants and was about to do something that Jongup knew would hurt despite having just had something inside of him. His body wasn’t ready for this, his body didn’t want it and the man had been lying when he had said that he’d make Jongup enjoy this—Jongup still couldn’t decide which were the lesser of two evils.  
  
“Baby, baby, look at me. Look at me, Jongup.” Jongup quickly looked to his lover, tears in both of their eyes and yet Himchan was trying to smile through them, his forearms covered in his own blood as his wrists were being torn down to the bone. “Baby, there you go, baby. It’ll be okay. I promise everything will be okay. I’m going to get you out of here and then I’m going to take you away. Jong—“  
  
The scream that pierced the room in which they were in and echoed through it, bouncing off the walls, created such pain for Himchan that he let out an anguished cry of his own. It wasn’t as though it hurt him terribly, it was the fact that he was being penetrated against his will, he couldn’t fight off this man who he didn’t want inside of him and he was conscious of every painstakingly slow moment that passed as that length slid into him, slicked by Himchan’s release whether or not Jongup was okay with it. He didn’t know if he was grateful for Himchan’s earlier release but given what they had all said, if Himchan hadn’t done what he did, then this wouldn’t be happening and so Jongup couldn’t decide what would have been worse; to die without knowing that he was loved, or be loved and then brutally raped.  
  
“Jongup!” Himchan’s cry finally pierced Jongup’s mind as he had been trying to block everything out, but in reality, his screams had been so loud that it was near impossible for anyone to hear anything over them. And so when Jongup did hear his lover shout his name, he turned and looked to him, eyes wide and filled with tears. “Look at me! Just look at me, baby! I love you, I love you so much!”  
  
What Himchan said didn’t make any of this easier despite his efforts to do so and Jongup was finding it harder to concentrate on what the man was saying to begin with. He wasn’t’ sure that he wanted to know what Himchan was saying because it wasn’t making it easy and was only making the pain that was tormenting his body and soul more real, torturing him in such a way that he never thought possible, that he never wanted to know was something that people did to purposefully harm one another in a way that wasn’t purely physical like all of what Himchan had been doing to him.  
  
Jongup would take Himchan’s torture for another full week before he would lose all hope of being saved and would lose every chance that he had of making it out of there because all of what Himchan had done to him paled in comparison to the torment that he was now experiencing and he didn’t know how anyone would be able to survive, how anyone _could_ make it through this. Jongup had never felt so violated in his life and he didn’t know what was to be expected while he cried underneath a man that he didn’t even know, that he would otherwise never have interacted with, that he never would have _thought_ could be a man who would be _enjoying_ creating such pain for him.  
  
The man was speaking to him, Jongup knew that and yet his mind was thankfully blocking out absolutely everything that could only serve to harm him more. It was what Jongup was thankful for and would look back on with gratitude; it would be the silver lining.  
  
Suddenly, a loud noise echoed through the room and Jongup felt the heavy weight of the man above him rest on top of him and everything stopped. The thrusting stopped, the grip on his wrists stopped and he could definitely say that the man stopped speaking even if he didn’t know what he was saying from the start.  
  
But there was no noise from Himchan either. The man had stopped shouting and yelling at Jongup. He could hear the faint rustling of chains, some voices. Fuck, no more people. This guy said he didn’t want an audience and Jongup had been happy to keep it that way. But he could only take so much.  
  
He then began to sob, simply sob. Loud, body-wrenching sobs that hurt him in so many ways to make and yet he couldn’t stop. This man was still on top of him, still inside of him and still torturing him and he just wanted him _gone._  
  
“Baby, baby, it’s okay.” Jongup’s eyes opened as he suddenly felt the weight of the man off of him, his eyes wide as he was pulled to and lifted against Himchan’s chest. The man had tears streaking down his face as he cradled his lover close to him, the naked and broken and used man not even responding to an embrace that he had been intimately familiar with for the past year.  
  
“Get him up and get him out of here, Kim.”  
  
Jongup quickly looked over to the man he had pledged his life to for the past few years, seeing him standing with the taller but younger man, both of them armed and on the defense while waiting for Himchan to gather the younger man into his arms.  
  
“Yongguk…” Jongup cried out, not even thinking that up until that point, he had only ever referred to the eldest man as Blackman while in Himchan’s presence.  
  
“It’s alright, kid.” Yongguk promised as he flashed him a quick smile before turning to leave the room. There was the sound of a few more gunshots but the maknae hardly looked phased.  
  
“We’ll get you home, hyung.” The youngest spoke before following out their boss to clear the way for Himchan to take the immobile Jongup.  
  
The hostage glanced up at the man who had been torturing him for the last week, who was the one who was holding him and had…  
  
“I told you I would get you out of here, baby…” Himchan’s voice was soft as he lifted the man up from the floor, careful but quick as he spared a single glance to the man who had just been on top of his lover, wishing that he had been the one to shoot him but Yongguk was the one to claim that feat.  
  
Later, Jongup would discover that the day after the raid, Himchan had found Yongguk and Junhong—no longer needing to refer to them as Blackman and Zelo—and told them of where Jongup was being held and what he must do to him. He would learn of how they had been doing all they could to plan out an infiltration with Daehyun and Youngjae going undercover and nearly losing their lives in the process. Jongup would be told of how they had been keeping in contact very sporadically and for days, Junhong had to deal with an emotionally distraught boss because Himchan hadn’t updated them and told them if Jongup had been alive or not. And when Jongup and Himchan were alone, Himchan would tell the younger man of how he had been _hoping_ that they would be saved like the plan consisted of, but if they weren’t then he had wanted to express his love for Jongup in the last way that he could after making his life hell for the past week.  
  
Eventually, Jongup would notice that anytime anyone saw him in a state of undress, guilt would pass over their features. He would see that Himchan took extra care with him when they were making love, always kissing over the scars that he created on once so perfect skin. He would see how his lover would avoid Yongguk when Jongup would become shirtless; the scars that marred his body bared to all unintentionally as sometimes shirtlessness couldn’t be avoided.  
  
Hopefully, one day, he’d become indifferent to it, they all would, but that day would not be anytime soon.


End file.
